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What Is a Unspoken Agreement

But what we often don`t realize is that while some of these agreements are conscious, many of them are unconscious. Conscious diversity is spoken or written. Unconscious agreements are tacit, but often have us just as strongly under control – although we are not even aware of it. As recipients of information, we can also practice active listening by repeating what the speaker was told: “I hear you say this. Is this true? or “What I understand is this. Am I right? This can make the meeting more of a conversation with confirmation of important things. If ten people go to a meeting and we ask the same ten people what they heard after the meeting, we will probably get ten different answers to what is being said. It`s not surprising at all – it`s hard to hear someone else when you`re too busy listening to yourself. If a misunderstanding occurs, it is best to clarify it for now. Ultimately, the speaker must take full responsibility for knowing whether he or she has conveyed the message. But listeners must also take responsibility for confirming the message for themselves. Did something go by without help? Does anything still seem confusing or vague? Ask questions and find out.

Have the courage to demand clarification on what they are trying to communicate. And so on, with speakers who do not make their points and listeners who do not receive the information they need. Equally uneven chords emerge from these unequal conversations, and before we knew it, we adapted to some epic misconceptions. Look for these tacit agreements in your own world. How many can you identify? Can you create any that serve you and your customers, employees or colleagues? Dan Pallotta, author of the Harvard Business Review, describes the listener`s dilemma in How to Fix Mismismismises in Work and in Life: “Landmark Education, a society of human performance and development, describes the phenomenon as listening `always.` It`s counterproductive listening where you don`t really listen to the other person. Instead, you listen to what the voice in your head says about what the other person is saying. He or she is caught in the prison of your prejudices – trapped in your “listening” and can never show you in any other way. “Because you don`t share your chords out loud, complications can arise in your relationships. You may believe that the other person understands the terms of the silent agreement and fully accepts it. Think about how many times you`ve said something like, “He should already know this” or “Why should I tell him this?” If we assume that others know what we think and what we expect of them, we are doing them a great disservice.

Assuming we were clear about what we wanted, we blame them if things don`t go as planned. A non-verbal, informal and mutually beneficial agreement between two or more parties. Enforcement is ensured by convention, tradition and “honor” of the parties concerned. It is not wise to communicate halfway. Unfortunately, there are a number of social and cultural mechanisms that allow us to leave messages in the air, such as implicit or tacit agreements. Society regulates words and how they are used, sometimes to encourage good manners, and sometimes simply to facilitate their daily use. The reward for an organization that practices active listening and speaking around chords is a huge dynamic. A team that is in tune with all its members is one that can work with optimal strength. Instead, it is our assumptions about what is being communicated that derail us the most.

We assume that when we speak, people understand us exactly. And conversely, when we listen, we think we understand everything exactly. But as we know, very often this is not the case. Second, stick to the agreement: the ultimate part of showing someone that you have both listened to and fully understood expectations is through your actions. Respecting the agreements you make cements you not only as a good communicator, but also as a person of integrity who keeps your word. In the spirit of “speaking out,” there are some best practices for listening and speaking in order to reach clear and actionable agreements for all parties involved. I practice them in my own organization and advise my clients to do the same in all their interactions. Third, renegotiate agreements you may not be able to meet: familiarity with colleagues can lead to tacit assumptions that they don`t mind if you falsify a deadline or deliver only part of what you promised.

This is an imaginary, tacit agreement that may not be true at all. If you need to break a deal, renegotiate with all the actors involved in advance and with enough time for everyone to readjust. So go for it in good faith. Then, before we realize it, our opinions (rules of life) begin to influence our agreements. But what if you have a conversation with someone who has a different worldview than you? This can interfere with any kind of understanding we are trying to forge. Interruptions, judgments, disagreements and emotions are now in control, and our attention is mainly focused on respecting our own agreements we have already made with the world. Silent chords are fluid. Just as relationships go through phases, so do silent chords. .